Engaged couple on verge of collapse when woman imposes no guests after 11 PM rule, rejects all attempts at compromise: "I don't want to have a curfew in my own home!"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 2, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Guests are a pretty contentious topic when it comes to co-living situations. Whether you have several roommates or are just living with your partner, it can be difficult to figure out a way to use your space socially while also respecting other people's peace. It can be equally as tricky from the other end: craving a quiet evening while wanting the people you live with to enjoy hosting their friends and family. 

The key word here is compromise. For example, I tend to go to sleep quite early. My fiancé, on the other hand, is a total night owl, and so are his friends. He rarely invites them over, so when they do come around for some late-night get-together, I just ask them to be a little quieter or take it to another apartment if they plan to be up until pretty late.

In our story today, a controlling fiancée sets a 11 PM curfew on guests in the house. Our empathetic protagonist attempts to compromise, but she will not even allow her partner to go to his friend's homes after the aforementioned time! Feeling more like a grounded teen than a man about to tie the knot, he takes to the internet for advice. Scroll down for more. 

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  • 01

    AITA Not Adhering My Fiancée's 11 PM Guest Rule?

    12 "No guests in the house past 11, period."
    via Ablozhka

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, I (27M) am moving into an apartment with my fiancée (30F) soon, and we've hit a disagreement about house rules-specifically, when guests should leave. She wants all visitors gone by 11 PM, no exceptions. Her reasoning? She wants to be able to relax in the front room—our shared living space-to read, scroll on her phone, or just decompress without guests being present.
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 03
    At first, I understood where she was coming from. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own home. So, I offered a compromise: if I had a friend over, we'd move to the bedroom after 11 PM, giving her full access to the front room in peace. That way, she'd have the space she wants, and I could still enjoy time with my friends without kicking them out at a strict time.
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 04
    She shut that down immediately-an absolute no. No guests in the house past 11, period.
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10461683968
    via MART PRODUCTION from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Alright, fine. I then suggested an alternative: I'd just go to my friend's place to game instead. That way, she wouldn't have to worry about guests in the house at all. But guess what? That was also a no. Now the problem was that I'd be out too late and, in her words, "it's just not appropriate."
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 07
    At this point, I'm frustrated. The whole reason I wanted to move out of my parents' house was to finally have my own space—a place where I could host my friends and enjoy gaming without restrictions. I even designed an entire game room in the apartment for this very reason. It's not like I want to have people over constantly—I see this particular friend maybe once every two months—but I don't want to feel like I have a curfew in my own home.
    via u/WasteCurrency7843

  • She sees how much effort he has put into making his home a comfortable place to host, yet she still insists on her draconian rules.

  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10461670912
    via Kaboompics.com from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    What really gets me is that our bedroom is already a quiet, private space where she could go to read or scroll in peace. But when I pointed that out, she dismissed it completely, saying she wants to be in the front room, not "banished to the bedroom." But... isn't that exactly what she's asking me to do to my friends?
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 10
    Also, just to be clear-my friends are all guys, and they're basically like brothers to me. It's not like I'm inviting over random people or hosting wild parties. We're just gaming, chilling, and catching up like we always have. These are long-time friendships that mean a lot to me, and it just feels unfair to impose such a rigid rule when I've already offered multiple reasonable compromises.
    via u/WasteCurrency7843

  • They sound more like squabbling roommates than lovers that are about to make a big commitment to each other.

  • 11
    I've tried to find solutions that respect both of our needs, but she won't budge. It's either her way or nothing. Meanwhile, I'm left feeling like I'm giving up a huge part of what I was looking forward to in having my own place-just to accommodate a rule that doesn't seem all that necessary to me. So, AITA for refusing to adhere to her strict 11 PM guest rule when I've tried to find a fair compromise?
    via u/WasteCurrency7843
  • 12
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    via syahrir maulana

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Apart-Scene-9059 NTA: I suggest doing what you originally wanted. Get your own place
    via u/Apart-Scene-9059
  • 14
    Neurospicy_nerd This! OP, NTA at all, but seriously consider this. Not because it's simple and black and white, but because if you've been living with your parents, you're honestly gonna be a bit sh to live with at first. Living on your own, even for just a year or two will:
    via u/Neurospicy_nerd
  • 15
    • Give you a full understanding of what it takes to live in a home so that when you split housework with your fiancé you are doing it from a place of experience, not just guessing.
    via u/Neurospicy_nerd
  • 16
    • Learn what having your own time and space feels like, and you might better understand your finances concerns.
    via u/Neurospicy_nerd
  • 17
    • have the same level of experience with independence as your fiance, which will go a long way for you as people living together.
    via u/Neurospicy_nerd
  • 18
    Consider it seriously. Depending on how long you two have been together, it might be an excellent opportunity to delay it to experience an apartment of your own.
    via u/Neurospicy_nerd
  • 19
    Dance Dense This. I had lived on my own for 3 years before I got married. He didn't moved from parents to our house together. Never really learned how to be responsible. So imagine his shock after 29 years of marriage he had to figure it out. Everyone should live alone for at least one year.
    via u/DanceDense
  • 20
    eliassoto_empre I think a successful cohabitation requires mutual respect for each other's comfort, not just strict adherence to one person's preferences.
    via u/eliassoto_empre
  • 21
    InternationalWar258 Completely agree. He would be moving in with another person determined to parent him. His fiancee is treating him like a child and not a partner. NTA.
    via u/InternationalWar258
  • 22
    mca2021 I agree. She sounds like a control freak. It's her way and there's no compromise, not even 1 night a week. This is a window into your future. Does she compromise on anything important or does she manage to get you to bend to her will every time ΝΤΑ
    via u/mca2021
  • 23
    alycewandering7 Agreed. She wants a grown man to have a curfew. He can't have friends over past a certain time that *she chooses. He can't go visit his friends past that time. She is being overly controlling and I would seriously look at other areas of their relationship where she is being controlling if I were him. I have a hard time believing this is the only time she is that way. OP should consider getting his own place, if possible.
    via u/alycewandering7
  • 24
    MooseWorldly4627 This is such a no brainer...get your own place, as you originally planned.
    via u/MooseWorldly4627
  • 25
    harliejw Yeah, seriously, this feels like a massive red flag. You've tried offering fair compromises to make things work, and she's shutting them all down without even considering your perspective. A relationship should be about mutual respect and flexibility, not one person dictating every little rule while completely ignoring the other's needs.
    via u/harliejw
  • 26
    If she can't meet you halfway on something as basic as how you use your own home, what happens when bigger issues come up? It sounds like you're bending over backward to accommodate her, but she's not willing to do the same for you. That's not how a partnership works. Maybe it's time to step back and think about whether you're really building a life together or just following her lead on everything.
    via u/harliejw
  • 27
    stizzyoffthehizzy If you guys are incompatible regarding living standards and expectations, then you should probably reconsider marrying her, or at least postpone any of those plans, considering that you'd be living with your spouse for the rest of your life (probably). She isn't being reasonable and sounds more like a helicopter mom imposing curfew, rather than a partner.
    via u/stizzyoffthehizzy
  • 28
    LincolnHawkHauling Buddy you are getting a glimpse of your future marriage with this woman. This is merely the tip of the iceberg. Plan accordingly
    via u/LincolnHawkHauling

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